I’m stubborn but more than anything I have pride, it’s something I’m working on. I dread asking people for help, it’s just not me. I would rather suffer than ask anyone for assistance. However, in recent times I’ve warmed up to the idea of asking for help and honestly it’s made my life a whole lot easier. How did I come around to the idea of asking for help, you ask, well let me share a story with you.
I worked for CUE media last year during the Grahamstown Arts Festival, my mom had spoken to a relative about accommodating me for the duration of the festival and the relative agreed to host me. The relative lived in the township, sometimes I would be working at the Journalism department until 1am, there’s no way I’d find transportation at that time so I’d have to fend for a place to sleep.
I had friends who were vacation subwardens in their reses, some of my colleagues lived in digs, needless to say there were a lot of people that I could have contacted to accommodate me. However, my pride would not allow me to do that, instead I would wait for everyone to leave the Journalism department and then I’d use the props in the Television studio to create a comfortable place to sleep. I laugh at those moments now but back then I’d cry myself to sleep, I’m able to laugh about it because I realise I was stupid.
Listen! I remember telling Tsholo and Athiphila that I’d spend the night editing one of the performances I shot earlier on in the day, they dragged me out the department, literally! I walked with them, they were going to the Victoria Mxenge residence, I lied and said a friend at Guy Butler residence would accommodate me for the night. They went to Victoria Mxenge, I pretended to go towards the door at Guy Butler residence but as soon as they were out of sight I took a different route. I spent 30 minutes in the cold before making my way to the Journalism department.
My pride made me lie, I hate lying, it was then that I decided I needed to let go of pride and ask for assistance when I need it. Look it hasn’t been easy, I still think twice, okay maybe thrice before asking anyone for help. However, I eventually do ask for help!